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ACT
I, SCENE 1
THE
SCENE IS THE MAIN STREET OF DESOLATION, WYOMING. THE TIME IS SOMETIME
BEFORE THE TURN OF THE CENTURY. BOXES, PAINTED LIKE ROUGH WOOD, ARE
LINED UP IN TWO ROWS AT EITHER SIDE OF THE STAGE. WE HEAR THE SOUND OF A
MELANCHOLY WIND BLOWING. A SINGLE TUMBLEWEED ROLLS ACROSS IN THE ONE
SPOTLIGHT THAT COMES UP IN THE CENTER OF THE STAGE. A COYOTE HOWLS IN
THE DISTANCE.
THE
KID, ABOUT 13-14 YEARS OLD, DRESSED LIKE A COWBOY WALKS INTO THE
LIGHT.
MUSIC:
DESOLATION, WYOMING THEME
KID:
This is Wyoming. This is Desolation, Wyoming. This is my home. You see,
I'm an orphan and I was alone and on my own for a long time. But then I
wandered into this town a few years back and.... well, I found a home... a
place where I'm needed. Things are kind'a rough right now. "Times are
hard," they say. See, Desolation only has a population of seven.
(proudly) I'm number seven! And Mayor Hudson... he's the guy that owns all
this sagebrush and sand... he says we need a lot more people to make a
real town. So I thought about this problem, as hard as I could think.
Compared to Jane or Miss Nannette, that's about as much as a tick on a
sagebrush, but I had an idea. So I kind'a mentioned it to the Mayor and he
went right through the roof. For that one moment, I felt pretty good. But
then the next day when he announced the "idea" to the whole
town... it was his idea. So I see it as helping pay back for my home, but
between you and me... I'm the kid that started it all! I'll never forget
the day when all the work was mostly finished and Nellie (CORRECTS
HIMSELF) uh... Mrs. Hudson, cut the ribbon.
THE
LIGHTS BRIGHTEN MUSIC VAMP UNDER ALL OF THE POPULATION OF DESOLATION ENTER
GATHERING AROUND MAYOR HUDSON. THIS INCLUDES HIS WIFE, NELLIE; HER SISTER,
NANNETTE; JARVIS, THE SHERIFF; THE KID; CLINT; AND JANE. THEY ARE EXCITED
AND HIGH-SPIRITED. THEY STRETCH A BIG YELLOW RIBBON ACROSS THE STAGE.
NELLIE CARRIES A LARGE SCISSORS THAT ARE ALSO DECORATED WITH A BOW. MAYOR
ANDREW HUDSON, MIDDLE-AGED AND POMPOUS STEPS UP ON ONE OF THE BOXES,
MOTIONS FOR ATTENTION.
MAYOR:
Listen my friends! As your Mayor I am very proud to be here to make this
dedication and announce the beginning of today's celebration.
LOUD
CHEERS FROM THE CROWD, COWBOY WHOOPS FROM CLINT AND THE KID
MAYOR:
Yes sir, this is a proud day. All your hard work is going to pay off. This
magnificent Main Street is just the beginning. All these beautiful fake
fronts will soon be real buildings. City Hall, the Library, the Post
Office, the Livery Stables, the General Store, and of course, the
magnificent Gold Palace Hotel.
CLINT,
STEPS FORWARD, HE IS MID-TWENTIES, GOOD LOOKING, DRESSED LIKE A WORKING
COWBOY, AND VERY SINCERE AND NAIVE.
CLINT:
Which ain't all that fake... except for the second floor.
EVERYONE
LAUGHS
MAYOR:
Just as soon as those stage coaches start arriving with new settlers, and
visitors and investors, you're going to see a real boom town!
MORE
CHEERS FROM THE CROWD
MAYOR:
That's why, my friends, I... (corrects himself) We! have decided to
change the name of our fair city to something more dignified than
"Desolation." Something more in keeping with the high goals and
prosperous destiny we have envisioned.
SHERIFF
JARVIS, FORTYISH, A WESTERN SHERIFF COMPLETE WITH STAR, HIRED BY THE
MAYOR, HE'S A LAWMAN IN NAME ONLY.
SHERIFF:
Gonna make a million! That's what he says.
JANE,
IN HER MID-TWENTIES, PRETTY AND VERY BRIGHT.
JANE:
We invited the whole world with those eastern newspaper advertisements.
Clint put the mail on the stage coach yesterday.
CLINT:
Sure did. They made that 50 mile run in record time!
NELLIE
NUGGETT-HUDSON, THE MAYOR'S WIFE, ALWAYS OVER- DRESSED, SORT OF A
"MISS KITTY" WITH SPARKLE. SHE IS CHEERFUL, FLAMBOYANT AND
OUTGOING, DOING HER BEST TO HANDLE HER HUSBAND'S WILD SCHEMES.
NELLIE:
Come on Andrew, tell us the new name so we can cut the ribbon and start
the celebration!
NANNETTE
NUGGET, THE OLD MAID TWIN SISTER OF NELLIE, SEVERE, PLAIN AND VERY
SHY.
NANNETTE:
Yes, start the celebration!
CROWD
ADLIB: Come on Mr. Hudson. Tell us the name! Let's hear it!
MUSIC:
DESOLATION TO METROPOLITAN
MAYOR
(TALK-SINGS):
PRAIRIE DUST MAKES A GOOD FOUNDATION,
WE CAN CHANGE OUR TOWN THIS WAY.
THIS IS GONNA BE THE LAST DAY OF THIS HICK TOWN'S HIS-TO-RY
DES-O-LA-TION, DES-O-LA-TION,
A WIDE PLACE IN THE ROAD...
EVERYONE:
DES-O-LA-TION, DES-O-LA-TION,
A WIDE PLACE IN THE ROAD...
CLINT:
What's it gonna be?
SHERIFF:
Let's hear it, Mr. Hudson!
KID:
Time's a-waste'n!
NELLIE
& NANNETTE:
What's the new name?
JANE:
Please, Mr. Hudson?!
MAYOR:
The new name is...
EVERYONE:
Yes? Yes?
MAYOR:
I'm proud to tell you all that you are now living in the future capital of
the West, Metropolitan City!
EVERYONE
(TRYING IT OUT):
Metropolitan City.... Metropolitan City!
EVERYONE
(SINGS):
THE BELLS ARE GONNA RING,
THE CHIMES ARE GONNA CHING,
DESOLATION'S GONNA CHANGE,
THE WORLD IS GONNA HEAR US SING...
MET-RO-POL-I-TAN, MET-RO-POL-I-TAN,
THE CAPITAL-CITY OF THE WEST...
MET-RO-POL-I-TAN, MET-RO-POL-I-TAN,
THE CAPITAL-CITY OF THE WEST...
EVERYONE
FREEZES IN PLACE EXCEPT KID, AND CLINT, WHO EXITS
MUSIC
SUSTAINS
KID:
And then there was the day when the first newspapers came in from back
east.
CLINT
RE-ENTERS CARRYING SEVERAL NEWSPAPERS
CLINT:
Hey Kid! I'm back from the supply run and look! Some of the newspapers
from New York and Philadelphia! They were with the mail.
KID:
(OPENING PAPER) Everyone look! Here's our ad!
EVERYONE
UNFREEZES AND REACTS EXCITEDLY TO THE NEWSPAPERS.
MAYOR:
(TAKING ONE OF THE PAPERS) Let me look at that.
EVERYONE
CROWDS AROUND, ALL TRYING TO SEE AT ONCE.
NELLIE:
Would you look at that.
NELLIE
& NANNETTE:
The world is a-comin' to Metropolitan City!
MAYOR:
It's true! I'm going to be Mayor of a real city!
COWBOY
WHOOPS FROM CLINT, SHERIFF & KID
EVERYONE
(SINGS):
THE BELLS ARE GONNA RING,
THE CHIMES ARE GONNA CHING,
DESOLATION'S GONNA CHANGE,
THE WORLD IS GONNA HEAR US SING...
MET-RO-POL-I-TAN, MET-RO-POL-I-TAN,
THE CAPITAL-CITY OF THE WEST...
MET-RO-POL-I-TAN, MET-RO-POL-I-TAN,
THE CAPITAL-CITY OF THE ...
MUSIC:
CHANGES ABRUPTLY
JANE:
But wait! Look at this story on the back page.
NELLIE:
What's that, Janie?
CLINT:
Does it mention Metropolitan City?
NANNETTE:
(READING OVER JANE'S SHOULDER) Oh no! It can't be!
SHERIFF:
Read it, Miss Jane.
JANE
READS THE ARTICLE WITH A SHAKING VOICE. EVERYONE IS STUNNED AS THEY
LISTEN, ESPECIALLY THE MAYOR.
MUSIC
CHANGES BACK TO DESOLATION THEME.
JANE:
(READS) It has been announced by the Frontier Stage Company that stage
coach service has been discontinued to several Western towns because of
lack of passengers. Among the towns affected are Windy Pasture, Lost
Mountain, and Desolation, Wyoming.
NELLIE:
What does that mean, "discontinued?"
CLINT:
Windy Pasture? Nobody ever goes there.
SHERIFF:
They're closer to town than we are.
CLINT:
Oh.
MAYOR:
This can't be. I won't allow them to stop service!
MUSIC:
DEPRESSION IN DESOLATION
EVERYONE:
A SAD WIND BLOWS,
DEPRESSION HAS COME TO DESOLATION,
DEPRESSION IS THE ONLY FRIEND OF DESOLATION.
A SAD WIND BLOWS SAGEBRUSH TEARS,
DEPRESSION IS THE ONLY FRIEND OF DESOLATION.
EVERYONE
EXITS EXCEPT THE KID
MUSIC
SUSTAINS...
KID:
And that's how it all turned out. Like I said, "times are hard."
Today's especially hard because, according to what Clint heard when he
made the supply run, today is the last time the stage coach is every gonna
pass through Desolation... uh, excuse me.... Metropolitan City. (HE
EXITS)
NANNETTE
ENTERS WITH A SAD SIGH. SHE SLIPS A BOOK (ROMANTIC NOVEL) OUT OF HER APRON
POCKET AND SITS ON ONE OF THE BOXES AND BEGINS TO READ INTENTLY. MAYOR
ENTERS CARRYING SEVERAL LETTERS, UNNOTICED BY NANNETTE. WHEN HE BEGINS
SPEAKING SHE IS STARTLED. THE BOOK GOES FLYING AND SHE SCRAMBLES TO HER
FEET, RETRIEVING THE BOOK.
MAYOR:
Miss Nugget!
NANNETTE:
Oh! You startled me! (SHE STRUGGLES TO CATCH HER BREATH AND RECOVER)
MAYOR:
(NOT WAITING) Miss Nugget! This letter you wrote for me to the King of
England-- you addressed it to "Honorable Sir." Now how can I
invite the rich and famous if you use the incorrect titles? Tell me
that?!
NANNETTE:
I'm sorry. I thought I could help out. My dear sister seems to be so over
worked. I just thought....
MAYOR:
How anyone could spend so much time with books and not know anything is
beyond me!
NANNETTE:
Andrew, why don't you ask someone else to write your letters? (STARTS TO
CRY) I'm just not up to the job. (SHE EXITS HURRIEDLY) I just wanted to
help.
MAYOR:
(CALLING AFTER HER) Go back to your books! (LOOKS AT THE LETTERS IN HIS
HAND) It should read "Your Majesty, As Mayor of this great city, I
want to invite you to visit this great western capital..." No, let's
see. "As Honorable Mayor of this great and prosperous city, I want
to....
JANE
HAS ENTERED, CARRYING MORE LETTERS. THE MAYOR DOES NOT NOTICE HER AND IS
STARTLED WHEN SHE SPEAKS SO CLOSE TO HIM.
JANE:
Here is what you asked for. (HOLDING OUT LETTERS)
MAYOR:
(STARTLED) What!? Oh, it's you. Stop sneaking up like that! (HANDS HER
NANNETTE'S LETTERS) Here, these all have to be done over.
JANE:
I'm sorry. (LOOKING AT LETTERS) What's wrong with these? The King of
England?! You had her write to the King of England?
MAYOR:
What's wrong with that? You think he won't come? I've said it before, you
don't get anywhere if you don't take a risk!
JANE:
Yes Sir. You have said that before.
MAYOR:
Now what about some of your Maharaja friends? Some of those rich Indian
princes would love to come here.
JANE:
I didn't know any Maharajas. I told you, we lived in a mission.
MAYOR:
(STARTING TO EXIT) Whatever. Just get those cleaned up. We've got to get
some people here before it's too late. Metropolitan City is like a bride's
maid without a best man, or a big shiny, empty pot... and there isn't any
stew! (EXITS)
JANE:
(MOSTLY TO HERSELF) I don't know anyone anywhere who would want to come
here. I wouldn't be here myself if they didn't tell me I came from here.
(SHE FLIPS THROUGH THE PILE OF LETTERS) Oh, what's the use? No one's ever
going to tell me who my parents are or where I came from. (SHE SITS,
DISCOURAGED ON A BOX, HANDS COVERING HER FACE)
CLINT
HAS ENTERED AND STANDS BESIDE HER LOOKING VERY CONCERNED. HE REACHES DOWN
AND TOUCHES HER SHOULDER, COMFORTING.
JANE:
Oh!! (SHE JUMPS UP, MOMENTARILY STARTLED) Oh! I didn't know you were
here.
HER
REACTION, STARTLES CLINT WHO JUMPS BACK AS WELL
MUSIC:
LOVE THEME (UNDER)
CLINT:
I'm sorry, Miss Jane. You looked so sad. I didn't mean to frighten you...
I would never frighten you.
JANE:
(ANGRY WITH HERSELF, BUT NOT WILLING TO SHOW IT) Clint, you stay out of my
business. If I'm happy or sad, it's not your concern!
CLINT:
Oh gosh, Miss Jane. I didn't mean...Well, it's like this. If there's a
little puppy sit'n there cry'n... well, my heart goes out to it
and...
JANE:
(GATHERING UP THE LETTERS) You have said enough! Puppy?! (FIGHTING OFF
TEARS, SHE WON'T LOOK AT HIM) I have work to do. The mail has got to go to
Fort Laramie this afternoon. Just mind your own business.
JANE
EXITS, NEVER LOOKING BACK.
CLINT:
(FEELING HURT) Aawww.... I didn't mean nuthin. She just looked so sad and
helpless. Miss Jane's so pretty when she's sad. Ah'm always say'n the
wrong thing.
MUSIC
OUT
THE
KID HAS ENTERED AND IS RIGHT BEHIND CLINT
KID:
What'd you say wrong, Clint?
CLINT:
(STARTLED) Whoa! Where's you come from?!
KID:
It's a public street. Lot's a people on the street.
CLINT:
Don't make fun of me, Kid. I don't like folks sneakin' up on me.
KID:
You must'a been talkin' to Miss Jane. A buffalo could stampede right over
you and you wouldn't notice when she's around.
CLINT:
You shut your mouth. Go git my horse ready. I got to ride into Fort
Laramie with the mail.
KID:
Why? The stage coach will be pullin' in here this afternoon. They say it's
gonna be the last run.
CLINT:
Durn! That's right. I gotta tell Miss Jane to hurry with them letters.
Looks like I'm gonna be makin' that little 50 mile jaunt a lot more often
after today. (STARTS TO EXIT) You know it's the comin' back to this sad
place that always feels like a longer ride... 'cept for lookin' forward to
seein' Miss Jane. Of course, she's just look'n for the mail.
CLINT
EXITS AND THE KID TURNS TO THE AUDIENCE.
KID:
Like I was tell'n ya. Everything has gotten pretty tense around here.
Folks just as soon bite your head off as talk to ya. Course the day of the
last stage coach kinda puts the old Desolation back into Metropolitan
City!
SHERIFF
JARVIS HAS ENTERED AND STANDS WATCHING THE KID.
SHERIFF:
Hey! Kid!
KID:
(STARTLED) Huh?
SHERIFF:
Ain't you supposed to be workin? What're you doin' standin' out in the
street talking to the air?
KID:
It's a free country. I can stand in the street if I want to.
SHERIFF:
Not if Nellie is lookin' all over for you. She needs you in the kitchen.
Besides there is a "No Loitering" law that you were probably
breaking.
KID:
Loitering? What's that? I was doing any "loitering!"
SHERIFF:
Don't argue with a lawman. Git inside!
KID:
Ah'm goin', but Ah'm innocent! (HE EXITS)
SHERIFF:
(ALONE) Dang it! This town's fallin' apart. No respect for law and order.
It's mighty discouragin' (HE SITS ON BOX, HEAD DOWN, DEJECTED)
NELLIE
ENTERS WITH HER USUAL BURST OF ENERGY BRINGING JARVIS OUT OF HIS REVERIE
WITH A JOLT.
NELLIE:
Jarvis, there you are! Where's that Kid? I thought you were going to send
him back inside. I got dishes piled to the ceiling and I'm out of eggs.
What are you doing?
SHERIFF:
(ON HIS FEET) Well... I...
NELLIE:
You're breakfast's on the table. It's probably cold as stone by now! I
thought you were going to find that Kid?
SHERIFF:
I did, but...
NELLIE:
Where's Nannette? She's been moping around all morning. Are you going to
eat that breakfast or not? I had to wash a plate for you since that Kid
didn't show up. What's wrong with everyone? I never saw so many grumpy
people.
SHERIFF:
(TIPPING HIS HAT) I'll be in the dining room if anyone needs me.
NELLIE:
Well... That was abrupt! (CALLS AFTER HIM) Thanks for all the help! Scrub
my fingers to the bone and nobody cares. He didn't hear a word I said.
Men!
NANNETTE
ENTERS STILL FEELING SORRY FOR HERSELF. NELLIE DOES NOT SEE HER.
NELLIE:
Yoohoo! Nannette? Where are you? My sister is very exsasperatin'.
Nannette?!
NANNETTE:
(QUIETLY) I'm right here, sister dear.
NELLIE:
(JUMPS) Aahhooo! You scared me! You weren't there a second ago.
NANNETTE:
Yes I was. You just didn't see me. Nobody ever sees me.
NELLIE:
Now who's fault is that? Who's sneaking around, quiet as a mouse?
NANNETTE:
I didn't want to be a bother. Your husband thinks I am a useless piece of
flotsam.
NELLIE:
There's no tellin what Andrew's gonna think. He's got a new idea every few
minutes. What's a "flotsam?"
NANNETTE:
Never mind. It's not important... I'm not important.
NELLIE:
Nannette! You've got to snap out of this. Where's my old Nannette? My twin
sister? Remember, we're supposed to identical twins..."The
Nugget Sisters!"
NANNETTE:
I'm sorry Nellie. Things are just not like they used to be.
NELLIE:
If you stop wearin those drab colors and brighten up those cheeks and put
a smile on that face...
MUSIC:
NUGGET SISTERS
NANNETTE:
I'm not like you.
NELLIE:
You're my identical twin! You and I are like peas in a pod.
NANNETTE:
SISTER DEAR, YOU'RE THE ONE,
WHO PUTS ON TOO MUCH GLITTER,
SISTER DEAR, YOU'RE THE TWIN,
WHO'S LOST THE SENSE OF BEING ONE.
NELLIE:
SISTER DEAR, YOU'RE THE ONE,
WHO'S PLAIN AND DULL AND BITTER,
SISTER DEAR, YOU'RE THE TWIN,
WHO'S LOST THE JOY OF LIVING
BOTH:
OH, THE NUGGET TWINS ARE NOT THE SAME,
THE GOLDEN GIRLS HAVE LOST THEIR CLAIM,
TO BE THE SAME, TO BE THE SAME.
NELLIE:
SISTER DEAR, I'M MUCH TOO PRETTY,
TO BE THE ONE WHO'S NEVER HAD A BEAU,
SISTER DEAR, I LOVE MY LIFE,
AND WISH YOU'D BE THE ONE TO BEND.
NANNETTE:
SISTER DEAR, TO ME A BOOK,
IS MORE ENDEARING THAN A MAN,
SISTER DEAR, I'M PLAIN, I KNOW,
I WISH YOU'D BE A LOT MORE LIKE ME.
BOTH:
OH, THE NUGGET TWINS ARE NOT THE SAME,
THE GOLDEN GIRLS HAVE LOST THEIR CLAIM,
TO BE THE SAME, TO BE THE SAME.
ONE
CHORUS INSTRUMENTAL. TWINS DANCE A MIRROR ROUTINE. NANNETTE GETS LOOSER
AND MATCHES NELLIE'S STYLE.
BOTH:
OH, THE NUGGET TWINS ARE NOT THE SAME,
THE GOLDEN GIRLS HAVE LOST THEIR CLAIM,
TO BE THE SAME, TO BE THE SAME.
NELLIE:
See! I knew you still had it in you!
NANNETTE:
(SMOOTHING AND ADJUSTING) I just lost my head for a second. Nellie, the
way you are... it's not respectable, it's...
NELLIE:
It's too much fun! You can't stand it because I enjoy my life. Even out
here in the God-forsaken wilderness... I manage to stay happy most of the
time.
NANNETTE:
And I don't. This is the ugliest, loneliest, most unhappy place I've ever
seen.
NELLIE:
Well don't do me any favors. I got enough struggles with my over-ambitious
husband.
NANNETTE:
Well!
CLINT
INTERRUPTS WITH AN OFF-STAGE YELL.
CLINT:
(OFF STAGE) Stage coach a'comin! Stage coach a'comin!
MUSIC:
METROPOLITAN CITY
KID:
(OFF STAGE) Here comes the Stage!
NELLIE
AND NANNETTE, THEIR ARGUMENT FORGOTTEN, REACT EXCITEDLY AS THE MAYOR
ENTERS ON THE RUN.
MAYOR:
It's coming! They haven't forgotten us yet!
CLINT
ENTERS EXCITEDLY, FOLLOWED BY THE KID AND JANE.
CLINT:
The Stage is full of people. I can tell from the dust cloud!
MAYOR:
Full of people!?
KID:
I saw it too!
SHERIFF
JARVIS ENTERS FROM THE OTHER DIRECTION
SHERIFF:
Did anybody see that dust cloud? I wonder what it is?
EVERYONE:
The Stage Coach is coming!
MAYOR:
There's people comin! This could be the most important day in my
life!
JANE:
It's coming around the last bend.
NELLIE:
I see it!
NANNETTE:
Look at the dust!
KID:
Look how hard the horses are pullin!
SHERIFF:
She's loaded down!
EVERYONE
SINGS:
THE BELLS ARE GONNA RING,
THE CHIMES ARE GONNA CHING,
DESOLATION'S GONNA CHANGE,
THE WORLD IS GONNA HEAR US SING...
MET-RO-POL-I-TAN, MET-RO-POL-I-TAN,
THE CAPITAL-CITY OF THE WEST...
MET-RO-POL-I-TAN, MET-RO-POL-I-TAN,
THE CAPITAL-CITY OF THE WEST...
MAYOR:
(TAKING CONTROL) Now listen, everyone! You've got to pull yourselves
together! We've got a lot of people to impress and you're not ready!
Nellie git your hostess outfit on and stir up that kitchen! Kid, I want
you to run down to the Stage stop and tell 'em that the Palace Hotel is
open for business.
JANE:
That's just a fake front down there. So's the stable.
SHERIFF:
We should 'a built it closer to the Hotel.
NELLIE:
I told him that!
MAYOR:
This is not the time to start rebuildin' the town. Get a grip everyone!
Git goin' Kid. And remember, back to the Hotel fast... You're the
doorman!
KID
EXITS RUNNING DOWN THE STREET
NELLIE:
I'm on my way! Jane, I'm gonna need some help. Andrew, I'm going to need
that kid in the kitchen!
MAYOR:
Right, my dear. After he opens the door for our guests.
JANE:
(FOLLOWING NELLIE) I'm right with you. I better check the sheets and
towels.
NELLIE:
They're gonna want lots of hot water too. Nannette? Do you think you can
check the firewood? And then round up some more eggs?
NANNETTE:
If you think I can handle it?
NELLIE:
Nannette!
NANNETTE:
At least now I'm needed. (WITH AN UGLY LOOK AT ANDREW, SHE EXITS
OPPOSITE)
JANE
AND NELLIE EXIT HURRIEDLY INTO HOTEL
MAYOR:
Jarvis, I want you to wait till they're halfway to the Hotel, then stroll
by, looking official, and say somethin' like, "Howdy, welcome to
Metropolitan City... The Palace Hotel is just down the street"... you
know?
SHERIFF:
I got it handled, Mr. Mayor. (EXITS DOWN THE STREET)
MAYOR:
Clint? You gonna get the mail off the Stage or not?
CLINT:
(COMING TO LIFE) Oh my gosh! I almost forgot! I'm on my way! I'll take
care of the horses too! (EXITS DOWN THE STREET)
MAYOR:
Good plan! Now, I gotta get ready to meet and greet! This is going to be a
great day! I can feel it! (HE HUMS METROPOLITAN CITY AS HE EXITS INTO
HOTEL)
SOUND:
SOME WIND BLOWS, MAYBE ONE COYOTE HOWLS.
MUSIC:
DESOLATION THEME
THE
KID RUNS THROUGH AND EXITS INTO THE HOTEL
SHERIFF
STROLLS IN AND STANDS WAITING.
THERE
IS A MOMENT'S PAUSE...
THEN
THE MASTERFUL THEATRE COMPANY ENTERS CARRYING AND DRAGGING THEIR OWN
BAGGAGE. THIS INCLUDES POLES, CANVAS, SEVERAL COSTUME TRUNKS, CARPET BAGS,
AND AN EGYPTIAN SARCOPHAGUS ON A WHEELBARROW. THE COMPANY INCLUDES MONTAGUE
MASTER, APRIL-MAY MASTER, LULU LEBONOSKI, JOE, REGINALD (THE ACTOR AS
"BRET"), AND ANNE (THE ACTRESS AS "MADAME MASTRIANI")
FROM THE FIRST MOMENT IT IS APPARENT THAT THIS IS NOT THE METROPOLITAN
CITY THAT THEY EXPECTED. THEY ARE TIRED, BROKE AND DISAPPOINTED.
SHERIFF:
Howdy folks. Welcome to Metropolitan City. If you're lookin' for a good
place to stay, the Palace Hotel is just down the street. (HE TIPS HIS HAT
AND EXITS)
THE
THEATRE COMPANY WATCHS HIM GO WITHOUT A WORD, GIVING HIM A FORMAL
NOD.
JOE,
WHO IS MOSTLY SILENT, HUNCHED AND SLIGHTLY EVIL-LOOKING, ARRANGES THE
BAGGAGE IN THE CENTER OF THE STAGE SO THE WOMEN SIT ON THE TRUNKS.
MONTAGUE
IS PACING IN HIS THEATRICAL WAY. HE IS THE LEADER/DICTATOR OF THE COMPANY,
RUTHLESS, CRUEL, AND SELF-CENTERED.
MONTAGUE:
This is preposterous! How dare they represent this dirty little dust spec
of a town as a "city?!"
LULU
IS AN INDENTURED SERVANT WITH TWO MORE YEARS OF A SEVEN YEAR CONTRACT. SHE
IS COOK, COSTUMER, AND MOTHER TO THE ENTIRE COMPANY. GOOD NATURED,
HARD-WORKING, BUT FED UP WITH MR. MASTER.
LULU:
It looks like a nice Main Street.
MONTAGUE:
Looks is right. If you had a brain you'd have noticed that they are all
fake. We haven't passed a real building yet.
ANNE
IS THE ACTRESS WHO AT THE MOMENT IS PLAYING MADAME MASTRIANI, AN OLDER
WOMAN WITH AN EASTERN EUROPEAN ACCENT. SHE IS GRAND IN MANNER, A GOOD
REPRESENTATION OF A THEATRICAL "STAR." MASTRIANI IS ALSO A
PHYSIC AND FORTUNE TELLER. (IN THESE OPENING SCENES WE DO NOT SEE THE
"REAL" ACTRESS, ANNE)
MADAME:
What are you saying exactly? You mean that Mercantile Store and the lovely
court house....
MONTAGUE:
False fronts! All of them. This whole town is a lie!
MADAME:
I do not believe it! Why would anyone do such a thing?
APRIL-MAY
IS MONTAGUE'S DAUGHTER WHO IS ALSO PLAYING A CHARACTER. SHE IS
"ANASTASIA" A VERY SPOILED, LITTLE RICH GIRL. UNDER THE
CHARACTER SHE IS A VERY NORMAL 12 YEAR OLD WHO LONGS TO HAVE FRIENDS OF
HER OWN.
ANASTASIA:
It's no different than all of us. We've all fake fronts too!
MONTAGUE:
April-May Master, I forbid you to say anything of that nature again! We
are a great theatrical troop and I will not have our performers, including
yourself, categorized as "fake fronts!"
ANASTASIA:
Sorry, Daddy.
LULU:
Here honey, let me brush the dust off you. (PRODUCES A LITTLE WHISK BROOM
FROM HER BAG AND BEGINS TO BRUSH OFF ANASTASIA) That stage coach was
awful. I never saw so much dust.
REGINALD,
THE ACTOR, WHO IS NOW PLAYING "BRET," A HANDSOME, DASHING,
LEADING MAN. HIS FLASHING SMILE AND CHARMING MANNER ARE CALCULATED AND A
BIT INSINCERE.
BRET:
It was a miserable trip. (SARCASTICALLY) But I'm sure we'll all pull
together before we have to really "perform." Isn't that right,
Mister Master?
MONTAGUE:
Of course... and with a lot more charm than you are projecting at this
moment. (SEEING SOMEONE COMING, HE RAISES A HAND IN WARNING)
NANNETTE
ENTERS CARRYING A BASKET OF EGGS. BEING SO SHY SHE BARELY LOOKS AT THE
NEWCOMERS.
NANNETTE:
(BARELY AUDIBLE) Good day. (SHE EXITS TO THE HOTEL)
THE
THEATRE COMPANY WATCHES HER PASS AS MASTER'S RAISED HAND BECOMES AN OVERLY
GRAND BOW AND THE OTHERS NOD.
MONTAGUE:
(TURNING TO LULU AND INDICATING BRET) Lulu, you'd better get this two-bit
Romeo cleaned up and get a new collar on that shirt. He's looking a bit
too soiled for the high standards of this company.
BRET:
(LOSING HIS CHARACTER FOR A MOMENT) Damn you, Master. I have half a mind
to....
MONTAGUE:
Shut up and do what you're told! Remember who pays the bills and who
signed an iron-clad contract to perform for me for the duration of this
tour. You're the one with half a mind.
BRET,
SWALLOWING HIS PRIDE, MOVES TO LULU SO SHE CAN BRUSH HIM OFF AS HE
UNBUTTONS AND REMOVES HIS COLLAR AND TIE.
MADAME:
Take it like a man, Bret darling. Our Mister Master is a little edgy this
afternoon.
MONTAGUE:
And you watch your tongue as well, Missy. I have no patience for actors
who do not stay strictly in character. You know the rules.
MADAME:
Yes, darling. My apologies. I'm just exhausted from this endless journey.
That rattly old train for days, and then a stage coach that bumped and
battered my sensitive body, and now this... (INDICATING THE STREET) What
have we come to?
JOE:
(TO MASTER) Camp? or Hotel?
MONTAGUE:
I don't see a theatre building that's real so we're on our own again.
(LOOKS AROUND) There. Over there. (POINTS) That space between those two
buildings. Put our tents in there with the stage facing out.
THERE
ARE GROANS FROM EVERYONE AT THIS NEWS
BRET:
Not street theatre again. My God.
MADAME:
It makes us no better than a circus.
ANASTASIA:
Daddy, do we have to? You said there would be a real theatre with dressing
rooms and everything!
MONTAGUE:
(TO JOE) Get a move on. (TO LULU) Lulu, get us set up for business as fast
as you can. The rest of you, shut up. Give me time to find out more about
this two-bit town.
JOE
AND LULU BEGIN TO MOVE EVERYTHING INTO THE SPACE INDICATED, AND THEY WILL
CONTINUE TO WORK DURING THE NEXT SCENE UNTIL THE "CAMP" IS SET
UP AND CLOSED OFF.
MADAME:
What do you want us to do?
MONTAGUE:
You and little Angel here, come with me. We'll go inside and face the
yokels. It's the usual routine.
MADAME:
I know it well, Darling.
MONTAGUE:
Bret will be standing by. (TO BRET) Come in right after Madame does the
"restless spirits" bit. And please, lay off the booze and pour
on the charm.
BRET:
Right. Right. Whatever you say, Mister Master.
MONTAGUE:
(OFFERING HIS ARM) Madame? Shall we?
MADAME:
Darling, I can't wait. (TO ANASTASIA) Come Dear, we have to meet our
public. Metropolitan City is .....
MONTAGUE:
Ripe for the picking!
THEY
EXIT TOWARD THE HOTEL AS THE LIGHTS DIM.
MUSIC:
MINOR KEY VERSION OF METROPOLITAN CITY
(END
OF SCENE 1)
Blood
on the Saddle,© 1998 all rights reserved by Gale Peterson |